rekindling. 

lets talk about... second chances. and the rules with getting back, or at least trying to get back with an ex. you may have not seen him in months or even years, but now youve wised up and youre convinced he could have been the one. you didnt know any better and you blew it... good job. you want him back or at the very least try and give your relationship a second chance. understand this is very common- regretting the past, wishing you had behaved differently with a certain guy, thinking hes the one that got away (que katy perry song) and youll never meet anyone better. i know ive felt and thought that way, after almost every relationship. so heres the skinny, theres one way to find out if giving it another shot is gonna work, call it:                         

                                                    'one call for closure' 

call him once. when you're absolutely sure hes not home, so you get his answering machine.  or call him when you know hes not gonna answer so you get his voicemail. this is crucial! you dont want to make him uncomfortable if he doesnt want to hear from you or is involved with someone else or even worse, married. so by leaving him a message allows him to call you if and when he wants. your message gives him time to think and the option of not calling, which you must give him. 

disclaimer: if the answering machine says, 'we are not home right now' and you hear a girls voice chime in, do  not leave a message. comon, lets be smart. so, assuming hes not involved with someone, 

leave the following message: 'hi its, (your name). i just wanted to say hello, to see how youre doing. you can reach me at (phone number) then summon up your sweetest voice and say bye.      

                thats its!

if you dont hear from him, its over, sorry girl. dont call him again to make sure he got he message. he got the message. his answering machine isnt broken. dont write him or track him down at work, home, his favorite bar, or the gym. oh, and drive bys count, pssht. 

ah, but what if he does! dont automatically assume he wants to rekindle the romance. he might just be returning your call, being polite, nothing deep. so keep the conversation light. be cool, cordial. business, vacations, and so on. dont ask him if he ever thinks about you or misses you, or if hes seeing anyone new. stop it. after ten minutes  say, 'well i have to get going, it was nice talking to you.' dont stay on the phone for thirty minutes or an hour, waiting and hoping he will suggest drinks. if he doesnt ask you out within ten minutes, hes not interested. if he needs more than ten minutes? guess what.. he has your  number. 

sometimes trying to rekindle an old flame works, and i hope it does for you, if its what you really want and is meant to be. everyone deserves to be loved and in a great relationship. BUT the best advice i can give a girl who thinks shes still in love with her ex is...

next.