so now you're single eh? 

here is a list of things that im gonna do when im single... oh wait... i already am, sooo why am i not living a great single life? with no dead beat body to hold me back?! so, with no further adieu: 

things you can/ should do now that you're single: 

•   get your butt out of bed this saturday and go to the Rochester Public Market! i LOVE this place, i go every saturday morning/afternoon (it stays open til 3:00 pm) whether its with a friend, my mom, or by myself. 

• have a picnic! pack some delicious sandwiches, salad, fruit, a bottle of sparking grape juice and and course something chocolateelllyyy! invite some girlfriends to share the feast and head out to an idealistic spot.

• youre weekends are now just that, yours. go out and do whatever you want, knowing that you dont have to answer to anyone. 

• you should flirt, a lot, with no guilt. 

• be so happy that you dont have to fake love watching football. 

• book a last minute ticket out of town, disappear for the weekend. get wonderfully lost. 

• with your access time, pick up a hobby! start playing a sport, take yoga classes, learn to play a musical instrument, start a blog ;), have your mom teach you how to cook so your ready for when the RIGHT one comes strolling along. 

i encourage all girls to make their own list of things that they want to do now that they're single. it gives you a sense of independence,  it helps you fill your time so youre not dwelling on the past, and best of all i think, you get to see who you really are without a boyfriend. i think you might like who you find. :o) 

ps- single doesnt mean you're looking for somebody. 

the bad boy.

you have to know who youre dealing with first, to be able to enjoy the company. therefore i dedicate this post to...the bad boy. theyre fun, they love us women, and they know how to turn us on.

first, can we just all admit that we want to date bad boys? 

Bad Boy (n.) A charming, funny, overtly confident guy who is sexy, in good shape, and great in bed (i guess). He is unapologetically 'male,' loves women, maintains many female friends, and does not kiss and tell. Romantically, he gets away with murder, with an alibi of a wink and a smirk. hes noncommittal by choice, not by fear. most importantly, he thrives on being naughty.

i can hear some of you girls disagreeing with me saying you dont like bad boys and youre over them and just want a nice guy.

bull. 

although you may still be denying it there is no doubt that almost all women love some degree of bad boy. look you feminine side in the eye, tell her you lover her, then toss her on a one way bus out of town, because you want a bad boy

there are a lot of different types of men, the player will check out your girlfriend, the girl behind her, when he introduces himself. the misogynist will come on way too nice, and youll get a creepy feeling. however, the bad boy will start talking to you as if he knows you, with a calm self-assuredness- and you wont even know hes trying to pick you up until youre leaving his apartment the next morning with you panties in your purse. 

first rule of spotting a bad boy: they never actually talk about being one. a true bad boy is a wolf in sheep's clothing. you know how freaking lame it is when the guy youre talking to you says hes a bad boy as if hes coming clean to you or something, what a tool. they hid behind their charm and charisma, all while exercising their cunning understanding of the female mind. every woman who has ever been attracted to a man knows that unspoken quality that turns her on, call it an edge, a touch of the devil, or even just plain bad boy behavior but whatever its called, its got to be there to ignite chemistry. lets face it, bad boys are hot, and they make the best boyfriends, we want their romantic attention and want to date them monogamously. think theres nothing you can do to keep him from paying the field? ...think again. 

girls dont speak dutch. 

men love a challenge that why they play sports, fight wars, and raid corporations. the worst thing you can do for a guy is to make things easy, they feel really good when they work hard to get you, dont take that away from them.  therefore, dont go halfway. friends and colleagues meet halfway, so in that case nudge away, friendster. but men, real men pick up women at their apartments or offices for dates, and always make the place convenient for you, they dont care where you live. i want to talk a bit about the first few, dinner dates and what to do when the waiter drops your check, says 'no rush, guys' and then it just sits there, staring at both of you in awkward silence. its not that women arent capable of paying for themselves, its just chivalrous. equality and dutch treat are fine in the workplace, but not in the romantic playing field. think of it this way- love is easy when the man pursues the woman and pays for the woman most of the time. he feels that the money he spends on food, the movie, and the cabs is the price of being with you and it's worth every penny. you should feel honored, happy, not guity, girlfriend. however the remedy if your guilt sinks in: offer to pay the tip! or say the date is an especially long one: dinner, a show, and three cab rides later... pay for something small along the way. dont pay for anything on the first three dates.  later on you can reciprocate in your own way, maybe by cooking him dinner at your place! remember, he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out. why deprive him of the joy of being/feeling chivalrous. actually, the best way to repay him is just to be appreciative. say thank you and please! to the guys who think that girls are just using them to get a free meal...youre an idiot. a guy resistant to spending what, twenty five bones over dinner? is guarded, stingy, and protective of his pride and money. sound like a guy you wanna go out with? nope! so avoid those ones like the plague. the guy that told me 'most men wont feel comfortable with letting the woman pay, its a threat to our masculinity' understands the concept. 

 

rekindling. 

lets talk about... second chances. and the rules with getting back, or at least trying to get back with an ex. you may have not seen him in months or even years, but now youve wised up and youre convinced he could have been the one. you didnt know any better and you blew it... good job. you want him back or at the very least try and give your relationship a second chance. understand this is very common- regretting the past, wishing you had behaved differently with a certain guy, thinking hes the one that got away (que katy perry song) and youll never meet anyone better. i know ive felt and thought that way, after almost every relationship. so heres the skinny, theres one way to find out if giving it another shot is gonna work, call it:                         

                                                    'one call for closure' 

call him once. when you're absolutely sure hes not home, so you get his answering machine.  or call him when you know hes not gonna answer so you get his voicemail. this is crucial! you dont want to make him uncomfortable if he doesnt want to hear from you or is involved with someone else or even worse, married. so by leaving him a message allows him to call you if and when he wants. your message gives him time to think and the option of not calling, which you must give him. 

disclaimer: if the answering machine says, 'we are not home right now' and you hear a girls voice chime in, do  not leave a message. comon, lets be smart. so, assuming hes not involved with someone, 

leave the following message: 'hi its, (your name). i just wanted to say hello, to see how youre doing. you can reach me at (phone number) then summon up your sweetest voice and say bye.      

                thats its!

if you dont hear from him, its over, sorry girl. dont call him again to make sure he got he message. he got the message. his answering machine isnt broken. dont write him or track him down at work, home, his favorite bar, or the gym. oh, and drive bys count, pssht. 

ah, but what if he does! dont automatically assume he wants to rekindle the romance. he might just be returning your call, being polite, nothing deep. so keep the conversation light. be cool, cordial. business, vacations, and so on. dont ask him if he ever thinks about you or misses you, or if hes seeing anyone new. stop it. after ten minutes  say, 'well i have to get going, it was nice talking to you.' dont stay on the phone for thirty minutes or an hour, waiting and hoping he will suggest drinks. if he doesnt ask you out within ten minutes, hes not interested. if he needs more than ten minutes? guess what.. he has your  number. 

sometimes trying to rekindle an old flame works, and i hope it does for you, if its what you really want and is meant to be. everyone deserves to be loved and in a great relationship. BUT the best advice i can give a girl who thinks shes still in love with her ex is...

next. 

confidence. 

lets talk about confidence for a bit. confidence is sexy but sexiness isnt primarily based on looks. take someone that is somehow incredibly sexy yet, not very attracitve. thats because sexiness is all about how you carry yourself, how you enter a room.

there are plenty of attractive people who lack sexiness/confidence

and

plenty of actors and actresses on the red carpet that are quite normal looking yet, hot!

its all in the way you carry yourself with a special 'gleam' in your eye, or 'sexy secret' 

which one are you?

first, you gotta pump yourself up! even if you dont believe it, even if youre having a bad hair day, your jeans dont fit, and especially if youre having a fat day, tell yourself ' i am fun to be with, i am a good time, you should be so lucky to be with me, and i can have any of you!' do i always feel like that? psh no! sometimes i dont wanna go out and would rather be at home in my sweatpants eating tacos and watching the office. but you gotta do it! try it out and see if it works, trust me it does. try walking into a club thinking youre too sexy for that place. why? i cannot stress it enough- because your inner monologue is more visible than you think. walk around calmly and casually and just think it. the best part? other women wont be able to pick up on your mindset, but guys will. success! being a sexy confident lady fox -1 being a loser - 0. 

that is all. 

plain and simple. 

men's behavior will tell you more about him than anything else. take it from me, watch what he does, not what he says. some things are just well, obviously...obvious. and when a guy isnt into you, its obvious. so i put together a quick reference of red flags for you, girls. if you see them, run and cut your losses. 

1. if he likes you, he will ask for your number. easy as that. dont give him yours, and definitely dont take his if he offers/gives it to you. dont let him trick you into asking him out, it seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you- or even return your call. watch out!
2. 'hanging out' is not dating. if he calls you and asks you out, great! ...anything else is conversation. 
3. cheating is cheating. it doesnt matter whom it was with or how many times it happened. remember- a cheater only cheats himself, because he doesnt get to be with you! 
4. an excuse is a polite rejection.
5. bad boys are actually bad. steer clear.
6. if hes not calling you its because youre not on his mind. you deserve to be with someone who calls you just to say he cant really talk, you also deserve a freaking phone call! 
7. you cant talk your way out of a breakup, its a definitive one, not a democratic one.
8. no answer is your answer.
9. if a guy is treating you like crap, he genuinely doesnt give a crap.
10. murky? not good. if you dont know where the relationship is going, its okay to pull over and ask but remember, 'im confused' means NO every time. and 'i dont want to be your boyfriend' means: i dont want to be your boyfriend. dont spend so much time with a guy who wants to live in your world commitment free. 

im tired to seeing girls in bull crap relationships. i dont care who you are, man, woman, gay, straight- or otherwise. we are all entitled to great, satisfying relationships. be patient, be believing because one day when you least expect it, and when you have stopped looking for it, youll find what you so richly deserve- love.

class act.

i want to share some tips i have on being a lady, how to act, what to avoid, and how to represent the best you! first off, you must be yourself because its better to be the first rate version of you, than the second rate version of someone else. but! if your version is a bit rough around the edges, shape up! and be a lady. 

• dont ever leave the house without some kind of make up on, put lipstick on even when you go jogging. the better you look, the better you feel, and the more desirable you will become to the men! also keep in mind, never leave the house in sweats because a girl must be prepared to meet a dashing stranger or an old enemy. 
• on the same note, natural look is easy to maintain and is your best bet, guys dont want to feel like theyre making out with a doll.
• stay up on current events, be smart. not only are they good conversation starters, dumb is not cute.
• let him open the door.
• be feminine, dont tell sarcastic jokes (in moderation- youre alright, girl) dont be knee slapping, loud, hysterical funny girl. be clever and witty. 
• be quite and mysterious. they say a girl stays silent for three reasons, 1. shes opinionless 2. shes shy 3. or, shes brilliant. being silent works in your favor, it lets the other person cook a little. makes them wonder what youre thinking. dont talk so much, and dont feel the need to fill the empty space in conversation. remember, less is more.
• be fluid and sexy, not jerky and self conscious.

girls, theres a kate midelton (the epitome of a classy lady) organ somewhere in your body, find it and take care of it! put a little bit more effort into your appearance and your dating game... and see what happens. remember, men are visual creatures, you can never be overdressed or overeducated.